Today, I Paid the Piper

 January 5, 2026

Today I made up for all that relaxation from yesterday--finalizing grades, putting away (some) of Christmas, chores around the house, and generally getting ready to head back to school tomorrow.  Am I ready?  Not really.  But I will be happy to see my friends and my students again after this break.  Semester Two, here we come!

Taking a Breath Before It's Time to Go Back

 January 4, 2026

Tuesday we go back to school.  Last week was really busy, but this week actually allowed me to rest, relax, and actually feel like I had a chance to breathe before the end of Christmas vacation.  Today was focused on not worrying about any obligations or chores in particular, though I did do some around the house.  It was nice to give myself permission to enjoy the quiet before the next whirlwind.

More Old Friends

 January 3, 2026

We went to dinner tonight with Jim and Christy, whom we haven't seen for quite some time--by my estimation nearly a year and a half.  They live out of town, but they still have family here and come to visit every now and again, but we are just one of the stops on their visits home.  I know how hectic it can be to try to get everything and everyone in during a quick weekend trip, so I understand.  But oh my goodness, how lovely it was to just sit and talk and catch up.  You know the friendship is solid when what I would guess would be a two hour lunch turns into more than four hours.  The secret, I've discovered, to not letting too much time go by between get-togethers is to make a specific plan for the future, rather than the usual "let's not make it so long next time...".  I'm so excited that we decided to make a date in another three weeks when they are back in town again--definitely something to look forward to!  (Reuniting with old friends and making plans a priority seems like a good refocus for the new year!)

Old Friends in the New Year

January 2, 2026

I received a text tonight from an old friend. This is someone I care about very much, but who has been somewhat missing in action for the past several months, likely for a variety of reasons. I have missed this person dearly, and am thrilled to know that they are still well, and wanting to walk back across that bridge that connects us. There are just some people who I will always feel drawn to, like there is a gentle line that tethers our hearts to one another no matter how far apart we may wander for a time. 

New Year, 2026

January 1, 2026

I have been very fortunate this past year. The family is healthy. I am healthy. We have enjoyed success and comfort, and those are not things I take for granted. For the year ahead, I humbly seek to continue the path of peace I'm on, to continue to grow in the relationships I am nurturing, and to continue to strive to release the past that no longer holds value or peace for my life today. I also continue to work to release myself from that which I have no control, and focus on what I can control. My word for 2026 is RELEASE. Cheers to 2026!

Ten Years

October 17, 2025 

This coming Tuesday, it will be exactly ten years since I got the call that I had cancer. Ten years. I know some who might say, “I didn’t know if I’d live to see this day” when they got their cancer diagnosis, but not me. I knew. I knew I wasn’t done with life, or life wasn’t done with me. That’s not to say I wasn’t scared, or that I didn’t worry about what the whole journey ahead of me would be, but in a world where my brain very often defaults to the worst-case scenario, my brain simply wouldn’t –couldn’t– fathom this being the end. Perhaps that’s naivety, or my well-known sense of optimism (yes, I know that flies in the face of my brain defaulting to worst-case scenarios, but I’m a complex creature–a true dual-natured Gemini, so just go with it) but I could only wrap my brain around what trials I might have to go through to get to the other side, rather than there being no other side of cancer for me. 

Truth be told, I have a bit of imposter syndrome when it comes to my cancer. I was lucky. The doctors and the mammogram caught it early. It was localized; it hadn’t decided to hit the highway of lymph nodes and fast-track its way into my bloodstream or knock down the doors of my bones. There was no chemotherapy or radiation to wrestle my cancer into submission, all it took to excise the cancer was to literally cut off a body part entirely. And still, because I didn’t get sick, because I didn’t lose my hair or my sense of taste, or have to infuse my body with poisonous chemicals to further choke additional cancer cells, it almost feels like it’s unfair to say I had cancer. It feels false to say that I have experienced cancer when so many have much more difficult and even tragic relationships with it. I did have it though, and as a wise friend told me once, cancer is not a contest. ‘Easy’ or not, it was still big, overwhelming, and scary to be in a relationship with cancer. 

It is a relationship, after all, and I was in one. Me and my cancer. You and your cancer become fiercely intertwined–no matter what stage, no matter what kind– and even when it is in the rearview mirror, even when you are able to put the abusive partner behind you, you are changed. The experience leaves a marker of indelible memory on the core of your being. You know that person who was unhealthy for you but who was inextricably tied to your psyche? The one that you knew you had to unencumber yourself from in order to save your mental health? It’s kind of the same thing. Even when you know it was not healthy for you, part of that relationship remains embedded in your soul–the memories and experiences remain part of the chemical makeup of your current being. They shaped who you are currently; just because they are no longer there doesn’t mean they weren’t part of your becoming YOU.

Anyway, cheers to me. Cheers to 10 years–and many more to come. I am not done with life yet, nor is life done with me.

Keeping the Spirit Alive

January 14, 2025 I am not one of those who puts away Christmas right away. The sparkling lights make me happy, and I like to prolong that feeling. And to be honest, it takes a long time to put up all the Christmas decorations, so I like to get the most out of my time investment. Here we are nearly at the mid-mark of January, however, and even I must admit it's time to carefully pack away the garland, the ornaments, the wreaths, and all other sparkly and festive reminders of the season. I started today and will slowly work towards having it all put away by the weekend.

Stranger Things

January 13, 2025 Rafe and I are binge watchers, and although we have pretty different tastes in shows, we have found several we have enjoyed together: Ted Lasso, The Boys, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Only Murders in the Building, Yellowstone (and its off-shoots), Inside Man, Nobody Wants This, and Succession, to name some. Currently we are watching Stranger Things. When it first came out I watched the first couple of seasons but fell off, probably because life got busy. We went back and started watching from the beginning, and man, is it intense! We are in the fourth season, and this is by far the darkest and most difficut season. It's really good though! I like a show that can weave several story lines throughout and then connect them all together. I am invested to see where the rest of the show goes...

Craft Night

January 12, 2025

In the weeks before Christmas, Lisa and I decided to take a sewing class, during which we each made a pillow. Simple project, sure, but we were proud of our handiwork! So for Christmas, Lisa bought me a sewing maching. She is going to purchase one for herself too, but she wanted to make sure that my machine was straightforward and user-friendly. With this as an inspiration, we decided we need to have a craft night once a month. Today was our first one, with our main objective being figuring out the machine and how to get it threaded. Mission accomplished! (We also tried out Lisa's new engraving pen as well.) Now we just need to figure out what we'd like to actually make for our next craft night!

My Green Thumb

January 11, 2025

Anyone who has known me for any length of time knows that keeping plants alive is not my strong suit. Regardless of that indisputable fact, I have been gifted no fewer than four orchid plants over the past two years. In each case, I thought it would be pretty for a little while, join all its predecessors in the foliage graveyard, and that would be the end of it. Imagine my surprise when each one of those plants in turn have remained hearty and healthy and green. I have a bay window in my kitchen, which ensures that not only do the plants have access to regular light, but also ensures that I pass by them each day. This means that rather than languishing, parched and lacking water, I am reminded to water them with regularity. Who knew?? Even better, just a few days ago one of my orchids decided to bloom--a lovely message to let me know it is possible I have turned the corner on my plant-neglecting days.