Young Love

June 25, 2009

I can see it coming: we are getting ready to sail into uncharted territory here as parents. Just around the corner, there are times of some of the biggest highs and lows in a young girl's life, and one of the toughest tests of a mother's heart--young love.

Love during the high school and college years is powerful, magical. As my daughter embarks on the years that will bring her her first all-consuming crush, her first tentative hand-holding with a boy she's been daydreaming about for weeks, and her first goodnight kiss, I feel excited for her, but also protective of the inevitable heartbreak and disappointment she will also encounter along the way.

These next years may hold for her some rocky roads:

The boy whose affection takes on a fiercely possessive note.
The boy who believes jealousy is proof of love.
The boy who isn't mature enough to understand goodbye.
The boy whose devotion isn't enough to create that 'spark.'
The boy whose own self-esteem is so low that he must bring others down with him.
The boy who will self-destruct to try to prove passion.
The boy who believes conquest is more important than relationship.
The boy who wants to have a girl by his side, but a few others in his sights.
The boy who tells her she will if she loves him.
The boy who will break her heart.

She may encounter those, or some variation on those themes. I can't protect her from them; I can only be there to hold her hand and offer her a shoulder to cry on and advice about how to move on when it happens. It's part of life, and much as I want to keep her from having to struggle through the heartache of relationships, it's how we grow, and part of how we learn about who we are. But with the lows come the highs, which also help us to know who we are. I hope also that as she begins on this journey she will find:

The boy who is a gentleman, who speaks highly of her to his friends.
The boy who becomes a life-long friend.
The boy who can always make her laugh and find the light in every circumstance.
The boy who gives her a forever memory of a first kiss under the stars.
The boy who shows her how important friendship is to making a relationship last.
The boy who can talk to her for hours and never run out of things to say.
The boy whose arm around her is a connection, not a weight.
The boy who will look in her eyes and see his world.
The boy who will tell her she is beautiful, whose eyes will show her that it's true.
The boy who will make her feel like a princess when they dance together at the formal dance.
The boy who will recognize the strength of independence and the bond of togetherness are not mutually exclusive.
The boy who will be her first true love--madly, truly, deeply. The one who will make her understand 'soul mate.'

Yes, it's coming--right around the corner. And though these days bring the possibility for despair, they also bring promise and hope. Though I wish I could protect her from the tough times, I know that without them there won't be those magical memories that she'll cherish, either. As a parent, I have to let her fall sometimes, so that she knows she can get back up. It's part of the growing up process for both of us.

Our Wedding

April 14, 2009

In honor of our 2nd anniversary, I wanted to share two particularly meaningful pieces of our wedding ceremony. We were honored to have our beautiful and loving friend Carrie not only put these words to paper, but deliver them from her heart when she performed the ceremony. Carrie, we love you--you rock! I can honestly say that ours was the best wedding I've ever attended, and you were an irreplaceable part of that.

Carrie:
The journey to this moment began, about 25 years ago, when Donna’s family moved in across the street from Doug’s family, here in Clovis. They were barely teenagers when they first laid eyes on one another. Both of them have fond memories of hanging out with friends, and family in one driveway or another. Donna remembers a self-assurance in Doug that made him stand out from the other awkward and tongue-tied teenaged boys that she was used to. She found Doug easy to talk to- and he always made her laugh. Doug has a different type of memory, of Donna’s “sparkling eyes” and a certain pair of 80’s style dolphin shorts that she used to wear.

Now, after all of these years and a lot of life between them, they have been reunited and have developed a much deeper connection, that I will try to pass on- using some of their own words, about one another.

Donna, Doug describes you as: Smart, Funny, Optimistic, Playful, and Girly.
He respects the dedication and love you have for your profession. He also admires your “mom skillz.” He feels that spending time with you and your family has transformed him into a better person.

Doug, Donna describes you as: Charming, Intelligent, Funny, Talented, and Affectionate.
She respects your loyalty, generosity, and your caring and protective nature when it comes to those you love and care about. Your easy-going, boyish charm that she first saw all those years ago, still draws her to you today. She loves the way you make her feel beautiful when she is with you.

You both describe each other as your best friend, and together- you enjoy three simple pleasures in life: Love, Laughter, and Family.

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A soul mate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we're pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we're safe in our own paradise. Our soul mate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we're two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we've found the right person. Our soul mate is the one who makes life come to life.