Guess What I Don't Like About June

June 12, 2012

I came home tonight not realizing what peril I would soon be in.  It was after dark, but my porch light was on, and I happened to see a little guy like this hovering near the front door.  Annoying, but not frightening.  Daddy Long Legs are not my favorite, but they generally mind their own business, so I leave them alone.

 Within seconds of coming in the door, I realized I had left something in the car, so I headed back out, operating just a bit on auto-pilot.  You know, not really paying much attention.  Suddenly I felt a THUNK on the top of my head, and then frantic buggy-trying-to-escape movements.  The first order of business was to scream like a girl, of course because, well...I'm a girl.  (I'm a feminist girl, by the way, so don't get all up in arms about my choice of phrases.  I happen to like that one.)  The second order of things was to pluck the unwelcome guest off of my head while dancing an ungainly oh-my-goodness-get-it-off-of-me dance erratically across my front hallway.  Unfortunately, in its panic, it got its legs entangled in the strands of my hair, which were neatly and tautly pulled back into a ponytail.  Neither the 'neatly' nor the 'tautly' were long-lived in the frantic wake of me hastily attempting to extricate the thing from my head.  I was envisioning the Daddy Long Legs legs all askew and akimbo, inadvertently braiding themselves into my locks.  After an excruciating amount of time--probably all of two seconds--I managed to pull it off and drop it to the floor, just inside the front door.  Only, instead of the nuisance of a Daddy Long Legs, what I saw instead was this guy:

The June Bug, roughly the size of a quarter, was on its back, flapping its wings trying to right itself while hissing angrily.  I was sure that if it managed to right itself it would fly at me again in anger or fear.  I wasn't about to let it exact its revenge on me.  Maybe it would just be embarrassed that it was beckoned inside by the bright light only to get ensnared in my mane, but I couldn't count on it scuttling sheepishly away.  I swatted at it and used a nearby paper to sweep it out the door before slamming the screen shut. This June Bug is probably on an equal playing field with the Daddy Long Legs as far as the harm it can do to humans, but it's infinitely more creepy.  I'm quite sure there would have been much bigger hysterics if I had realized at the moment that I had this guy stuck in my hair.  (By the way, if I'm wrong about the harmlessness of either of these creatures, please don't tell me.  I'd rather keep my ignorance.  I can't tell you what nightmares I'd have otherwise.)  These June Bugs flock to my porch screen each summer in droves.  They hiss every now and again, and they fly when startled.  Needless to say, I try very hard not to startle them, but sometimes, you've just got to open the screen door, you know?  And do you know why these bugs have always been just a little sinister to me?  Because somehow, deep down, I always knew one would attack me someday.  And today was that day.