Wednesday, August 18, 2010

A Little Closer to Private Benjamin Than To Grizzly Adams

August 18, 2010

I'm not much of a camping kind of a girl. I'm not exactly a princess, but, you know...I don't like to get my hands dirty. I'm a fan of creature comforts, like a bed, and doors. Floors, too, for that matter. Also, I'm not a fan of sharing my living space with creatures and critters. We have a mutual arrangement, as it turns out, that works quite well. I'll stay in, and they can stay out. It works for us; we understand each other.

It's true what they say, that who you are as an adult is heavily influenced by your experiences as a child. When I was a young girl, I was involved in scouting and really loved it--Bluebirds, Brownies, and Girl Scouts. By my estimation, spent at least three and a half years learning to "Be Prepared". My mother, however, did not. (She was, in fact, a Girl Scout in her youth. I just think she got a little fuzzy on the motto by the time I was a Scout). When I was perhaps nine, my Brownie Troop went on its first weekend camping trip. That's when my aversion to camping was bred.

It wasn't even the dirt or the critters that were problematic--those aversions came later, perhaps as justification for not having to camp. The real reason, the real problem, was my decided LACK of preparation. I was nine, mind you. Still what you might call training ground for life. Even now, when my son or daughter (who are both well over the age of nine) want to go on a sleepover at a friend's house, they get the check list reminder from me: Did you pack your toothbrush? A change of clothes? Do you have a brush? A pillow? Don't forget your underwear! Inevitably, he or she will run back to the bedroom to collect up the forgotten items before climbing in the car. My mother, before my first Brownies camping trip, gave no such reminders. As far as I can tell, she didn't even look over the packing list given to the parents. For whatever reason, she just assumed that a couple of pairs of jeans and t-shirts would suffice. We threw those into a duffel bag, and on the designated evening, she pulled up to the house of our troop leader, who would be driving the group in her station wagon up to the camp site. I got out of the car and waved goodbye, and Mom drove away, probably off to tend to the other four kids at home.

So there I was, on my troop leader's porch. It was dark, and the porch light was on. I rang the bell, and she was immediately there to welcome me and invite me in. She asked me to stack my duffel and sleeping bag next to all the other girls' things so that her husband could pack everything on top of the car. I looked at her blankly at first, then panic began to set in. I didn't have a sleeping bag! How had my mother left me to go on a camping trip all weekend without a sleeping bag? My troop leader stared at me, perplexed. Had I really just shown up at her doorstop so woefully unprepared? This was in the days before cell phones, so she couldn't immediately get ahold of my mother to see if perhaps she'd just forgotten. She said sweetly, "Didn't your mother look at the list I sent home?" I could only mumble that I didn't know. Any more than that would have opened up the floodgates of tears that were threatening to fall. This was not how I wanted to start off the weekend.

My troop leader consulted with her husband, who dug around in his garage and found a spare bag I could borrow. Most of the other girls had pink or bright orange sleeping bags, some of them brand new, purchased for a first camping trip. Mine would be an old, faded army green bag, stiff and itchy, and borrowed from someone's dad. It was something, though, and at least I wouldn't have to sleep on the ground, curled up in a ball. Perhaps it wasn't going to be so bad after all. Then, my troop leader thought she ought to run through the check list to see if I had failed to bring anything else. I had my undies, I had my toothbrush. Minus the sleeping bag, I had managed to bring most everything else. Not quite, though.

I remember telling my mom earlier that we were supposed to bring two bars of Ivory soap. Mom thought it was silly for one little girl to bring two full-sized bars of soap for one weekend, so despite my protests, she sent along a little trial bar of soap. That, she reasoned should be plenty to keep a girl clean. However, we weren't just keeping clean with that soap. We were working on badges during our weekend, and learning how to whittle was part of the experience. Our medium? Two bars of soap. THAT soap wasn't intended for cleanliness at all. We were to have brought additional soap for that purpose. When my troop leader discovered I was missing that as well, she took her own daughter's bag and pulled out one her bars to put in my duffel. "Why should I have to give up one of mine just because she forgot hers?" she wailed, glaring at me while directing her question toward her mother. "Because it's nice to share," she said simply. Clearly, her daughter did not agree.

That was how I kicked off my first camping trip--the one I had been looking forward to with great expectation. I was completely unprepared, and I had incurred the wrath of the alpha-female of the group. The girls made fun of my 'man' sleeping bag all weekend and talked about me in whispers as I whittled away at someone else's Ivory soap. I was miserable and lonely and embarrassed. Not even the S'mores made me feel much better as I shivered in my t-shirt by the campfire in the evening. I was, naturally, without a jacket.

I imagine when I returned from the trip our troop leader probably gently counseled my mother to help me 'Be Prepared' for any of our future camping trips. I know she gave my mom the benefit of the doubt--"I'm sure you probably left so quickly you forgot that Donna hadn't taken the sleeping bag out of your car yet when you dropped her off."--when there was, in fact, no sleeping bag in the car or anywhere else. What I do know is that I never went on another scout camping trip, and that was probably as much my own wish as it was hers. There was very little about the camping trip I found fun, and I was in no rush to repeat the experience.

But here's the thing: it's not really the camping I dislike. It's the being unprepared for it I don't like. I realized this about a week ago when, for the first time in thirty years, I found myself camping, despite my reservations. My own kids, my youngest in particular, have felt a void in their lives apparently, due to a lack of sleeping in the great outdoors. (In fairness, my oldest, quite the princess-in-training, professed no such lack. She was, though, a great sport at helping me indulge the other two.) I would never have agreed to taking the kids camping had we not gone with my sister, camper and Girl Scout Leader Extraordinaire. Having taken her own kids several times, she was organized, prepared, and had the background and expertise to make the experience enjoyable and even relaxing for all of us. I found that, not lacking the basics, I actually enjoyed the trip, dirt and all. (There were good showers and bathrooms nearby--a real necessity as far as I'm concerned. My take on the situation would most certainly be different if those were not available.) Both Nicholas and Danielle were completely at ease, hiking and skipping stones on the lake, and pitching in with the cooking and cleaning up at camp. Bree will probably not make it a regular event in her life, but I think she found that camping out wasn't quite as bad as she thought it would be. And me? I don't need to go back every weekend, but I would certainly look forward to doing it again sometime. Perhaps an annual trip is in order. As long as I have my sleeping bag and my soap, I'll be set.

























Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Dinner With Old Friends

August 17, 2010

My husband always laughs at me for saying that I'm surprised when people from my past remember me. I just have always considered myself a bit of a shy, retiring type, especially in comparison to my very outgoing, gregarious sisters. I spent much of my younger days trying pretty hard to be the proverbial wall-flower, fairly successfully, blending in with the background. Small talk was always painfully difficult for me, and truth be told, still is, if you are not among the circle of people who know me best. For one who loves language and word-play and witticisms, there is always a bit of fear that I simply won't be able to keep up and that my contributions will be banal and mundane in light of the sparkling repartee around me.

So, honestly, I was a bit intimidated when recently a very old friend from high school came into town. He and his fiance were meeting up with some mutual friends for dinner, and invited me to join them. I don't think I'd seen Steve for over twenty years, but of course we had reconnected a bit through Facebook. Steve and Kim and Tim, the other couple who were joining us, were all in drama together with my sister for several years in high school, and since Lisa and I were so close in high school, many of her friends became my friends. Drama. Yes, with a flair for the dramatic, all of them. Engaging, enthusiastic, and animated story-tellers. And me. Not so dramatic--and lacking quite a bit of the shared history of the group. I wondered if I wouldn't be quite the fifth wheel--a silent and rather clunky one at that. So what did I do? I brought along a sixth wheel! It speaks well of my hubby that he was sport enough to go along and join me, since he is even less of a small-talker, and shares even less history with these friends.

As often is the case, though, I needn't have worried. Shared history or not, Kim, Tim, Steve, and Trish were delightful company, and we sat and shared stories and caught up with each other with ease. We traveled through high school and old friends and who-knows-where-she-ended-up and whatever-happened-to-him. We traveled through life's experiences and families and children and dogs. We meandered through careers and we wandered through beliefs. We traversed a lot of ground in that evening, casually, comfortably, just like the old friends that we are.

Ten years ago, I would have talked myself out of going, out of fear and self-consciousness, silly as that seems. The more I've pushed past that little voice and broken out of my shell in the past several years, the more I realize the kinds of things I used to miss out on, and the more I realize how satisfying it can be to choose to be visible.

Monday, August 16, 2010

The End of the World As We Know It--Robert Goolrick

August 16, 2010
I've got a new book review up at Sisters Recommend. Take a look!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Hamburger Mary's and The Getty Museum

August 10, 2010

A couple of weeks ago, I found myself with a little spare time on my hands, as the kids were with their dad in San Diego. Lisa's girls, it turned out, were also on vacation with their dad. We decided it was time for some sister bonding time sans children. At first we thought we'd go see a taping of "Don't Forget the Lyrics". I love that show (I totally rock at song lyrics, especially when playing the game from the comfort of my own couch), and Lisa had actually recently auditioned for the show. (She didn't get called back, but that's okay.) Plus, although the new host, Mark McGrath, is no Wayne Brady, he's nothing to sneeze at, either. We got tickets, and we were on our way to planning our adventure.

We called up our other sister Laura, and invited her to join us. She lives in Hollywood, not too far from the studio, so Laura invited us to stay at her place the night before the taping. That left us a free Wednesday night in Hollywood to find something fun for us to do together. Lisa had heard about a big weekly charity event in Hollywood that she'd always wanted to check out. When she told me what it was--Drag Queen Bingo at Hamburger Mary's Restaurant--well, I knew we couldn't pass it up. It was a total blast. Very interactive (much yelling and cheering), great prizes (we didn't win any), for a great cause (the proceeds from our Bingo night went to providing school and medical supplies to children in war-torn countries). Fantastic! The MC was quite funny, and Bridget, who ran the game, was gregarious and a lot of fun. She even let us take our picture with her afterwards. To be honest, the food was only mediocre, but you really couldn't beat the atmosphere.
The next morning we got up and hit the road for the game show taping. Laura had decided not to join us, since she'd had to get up at an unearthly hour to go to work. As can happen in L.A., the traffic got a bit snarl-y and stand-still-y, and it soon became apparent that we weren't going to make it to the studio in time. We're flexible sort of people, my sister and I, so once we realized we were going to spend the day Mark McGrath-less, we refocused our energies into figuring out what we were going to do with our day in L.A. Suddenly, we were given a sign. Literally, a sign appeared. As we were crawling along the freeway, we passed the road sign for the upcoming Getty Museum, and suddenly our plans were clear. The Getty is on both of our lists of Things To Do In Our Lifetime, so we followed the signs to our new destination.
The Getty is a beautiful place, and it houses some pretty impressive works by masters, including Renoir and Monet. It even houses Lisa's favorite painting, Van Gogh's "Irises". It is also currently showcasing work by the artist Gerome. Neither Lisa nor I had ever even heard of Gerome, but after seeing his exhibit, we are both fans. It was quite an extensive exhibit, spanning his whole artistic career. It will probably not surprise you to know that Lisa and I amused ourselves throughout the museum by making up stories and snarky comments about the subjects in some of the works. We didn't even realize we had gained a fan until the docent in one of the rooms suddenly appeared behind us, giggling at one of our 'assessments' of a painting. "I like to keep you girls here all day to make me laugh," he said, startling us both. We did not know anyone was listening to our nonsense reviews. He walked over to another painting and pointed, "How you making fun of this one?" That guy thought we were hilarious. Of course, we often think we are hilarious, but not everyone joins us in that opinion.These signs, by the way, cracked me up. They were everywhere. Don't they look like they should say, "Please don't POKE the sculpture"?
We spent about four hours roaming through the museum, and had a great time. I just love days when you have no idea what's going to happen, but it all works out even better than you expected. We really love getting the whole family together, kids and all, but it really had been too long since we had been able to have that much uninterrupted adult sister time. We've really got to remember to not let those outings get put on the back burner for too long at a time.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Bouncing Baby Boy

August 4, 2010
This summer has been such a bountiful one for the extended Mayes family! First, my niece Tiffany made me a Great Aunt for the first time when she introduced Miss Graci Raelynn into the world. Then, my sister-of-the--heart Cheryl brought home the beautiful Miss Marlo Rae to join our extended family. And yesterday, my brother and sis-in-law made me an auntie once again when little Nathan Andrew made his debut at 7:25 p.m.

Nathan will have quite the story to tell about his birth when he's older. He was quite comfortable right where he was, and was in no hurry to be born. More than a week after he was due, the doctor decided he needed a little nudge. I'm sure Julie, who was probably starting to worry that she was going to be permanently pregnant, was ready to be induced. They went into the hospital yesterday morning, and the light at the end of the tunnel was finally in sight.

Towards the evening, I got a text from Julie. Naturally, I was expecting to hear that Nathan had been born. Nope. She sent me a text letting me know that while the doctor was administering the epidural, Scott suddenly passed out. Not one to do things halfway, he didn't just pass out, though--he hit his head on a cabinet on the way down and managed to give himself a severe concussion and cut open his head. A CAT scan and six staples in the head later, the doctors decided it would be best to send Scott home for the night with some friends so that he could recover. I talked to Scott just a bit later, and he said he had knocked himself out so completely that it took him about half an hour to be able to tell the doctor where he was and why he was in the hospital to begin with. A little scary, and I'm sure a bit disappointing to Scott that he wasn't there when Nathan finally made his appearance, but ultimately it was probably for the best that he went home to recuperate.

Today they posted pictures on Facebook so that we could all 'meet' our newest member of the family. Scott brought older brothers Matthew and Micah to the hospital--the whole family together. I'm still struggling with the fact that they are so far away and I don't get to hold Baby Nathan right away, and I don't honestly know when I'll get to. In the meantime, I'll have to content myself with lots of pictures until I get to visit.
Congratulations, Scott, Julie, Matthew, and Micah--you'll have to give Baby Nathan extra hugs and kisses for me until I can get there!

A Strike or Two, a Whole Lotta Gutter Balls, and Lots of Fun

August 4, 2010

The day before Delaney and Jerilynn ended their vacation time with us, we took the kids out bowling. We are definitely not pros in the bowling alley, but luckily that's not a prerequisite for having a good time. I'm so sad that we're not likely to see them again for at least another year--we all always have such a great time hanging out together. The kids all get along great, and Jerilynn and I can talk non-stop for as long as anyone will let us! I think I've decided we've really got to schedule a family trip out to the mid-West next summer to hang out at their house.
: )