January-My Word for the Year

January 1, 2025

Each January I start the year by getting back into writing on this platform, sometimes with strong success, and some years (like last year), only managing to maintain consistency until February. Regardless of how often I post or how long through the year I keep up chronicling my life, I have come to reassess the idea of labeling resolutions of any kind as 'successess' or 'failures'. I think I managed 15 entries last year, and some years I have managed upwards of 200. However, I don't choose to see last year as a failure. I wrote 15 more times than I would have if I had not challenged myself to remember to set aside time. I count that as a win. Goals that we have are goals that we believe we want to prioritize. That being said, I also believe an important part of goal-setting is doing a periodic check-in with yourself. If you are not meeting a goal, are there obstacles in your way that you can in someway remove? Are there different ways you can try to reprioritize your time and energy to meet that goal? Or, if you truly reassess, is it possible that this goal is NOT now a priority for you at this moment or period in your life? Perhaps if you are not meeting a goal, you have consciously or unconsciously decided that your effort and energy are needed in a different area of your life right now. If that's the case, that's okay. That doesn't mean the goal isn't important or worthwhile; rather, it means that your focus is on something else that is also important. I have decided to give myself grace in this regard and recognize that I prioritized different things last year, and now I'd like to get back to this goal. A handful of years ago, I saw a post where the writer decided to focus on a particular word to carry with them through the year, rather than making a list of New Year's Resolutions. I adopted this tradition, and have felt the power of my chosen words each year since. In keeping with my musings about success and failure and goals and the like, I have decided my word for the year will be INTENTIONAL. I want to be intentional with my time, my resources, my energy, and my relationships, endeavoring to make sure that the way choose to operate in my life truly reflects my goals at any given time.

Good Enough

January 3, 2022

I was talking with my sister about New Year's resolutions today. Three days in, and we're both going strong. Yes, it's a low bar. Anyone can do three days. Three days of carving out time to read. Three days of 10,000 steps. Three days of blog posts. Three days of healthy eating. Three days of whatever. Three is nothing, a piece of cake. You know what's hard? That there are 362 more days in the year to keep it up. But we think about these resolutions in the wrong way sometimes--an all or nothing proposition. Let's say we get to Day 10, or Day 24, or even Day 115 and life interferes, as it often does. We get sick, or we have 12 meetings back-to-back, or a friend desperately needs our time, energy, and focus, and we miss the mark on those resolutions. No time to read, or a McDonald's run late at night on the way home for dinner, finally. Maybe instead of 10,000 we hit 8,500, or even just 2,000. Eating healthy isn't hard, really. 10,000 steps? Totally doable. The hard part is what happens when we miss, whether it be a day, or even week that we fail to meet those goals. There is such temptation to let that misstep become our destination, rather than a temporary pit-stop on the journey. We can see that pit-stop as a failure and we can beat ourselves up about it. Man, we can be hard on ourselves. There is a temptation to throw in the towel altogether. But missing a day doesn't mean the goal was a bad one, and it doesn't negate what we have done or can still do in the future. What if, instead, we practice the same grace we would give a friend if she told us she'd failed to meet a goal? We'd say that's okay, wouldn't we? We'd encourage her to try again tomorrow. We might suggest ways that she can meet that goal the next time; we might suggest ways we could help her meet that goal. Would we tell her to give it up because today didn't happen the way she planned? Of course not. Why do we do it to ourselves? If we hit one of those days or those weeks where life is happening to us, coming at us fast and furious and trying to blow us off track, maybe what we need to learn to say is "For today, that was good enough. That's what I was able to do, and I cannot do more than that, and that's okay. Tomorrow we try again." Sometimes we need to let good enough be good enough.

New Year, New Word

 January 1, 2022

Three years ago, as I found myself in a place where I was trying to regain my equilibrium from an unexpected end to a relationship, I chose a word to guide my year,  to manifest a an attitude that would guide my way of thinking- a talisman of sorts that I could return to when I needed to remind myself of my purpose. That word was RISE. Like a Phoenix from the ashes,  my focus was to rise and be strong.

The next year, having dragged myself out of the dust, my word was SHINE. One must, of course, rise when one has fallen into despair, but then? It's time to shake off the dust and step into the light of the new you and own it. Shine. That was sometimes difficult, but ultimately empowering. That was the goal, after all.

Then last year, a year of turmoil and uncertainty, I chose the word EXHALE. Politically and socially, the world was a wreck, with a little pandemic thrown in the mix. I had hoped that last January would usher in some much needed change. In some ways it did; in others, it merely magnified some pretty deep fissures in the facade. We are still trying to recover. In the meantime, although I had hoped that EXHALE in Janauary would mean an ability to relax, it turned out that it just meant to remind myself to breathe, in and out, one breath at a time, one step at a time. That's how I got through the year- how we all got through the year.

This year, once again, my word is hopeful, full of promise. The word is FOCUS. There are things I want to see happen, goals and plans I foresee for my future. This year, instead of hoping and just learning to breathe through the chaos, the goal is to focus on those proactive measures I can take to effect the kind of changes I want to make. Rise, shine, exhale, then focus. Seems like a good way to move forward.

Adapt

January 2, 2021

Rise.  Shine.  For the past two years I have adopted a word to guide me from January to December--a reminder, a goal, a mantra.  Two years ago I needed to remind myself that I was capable of rising up, like a phoenix from the ashes left behind in the wake of my divorce.  And rise I did.  Last year, I chose to focus on not just rising, but shining through both the good and bad circumstances life sends my way.  I'm not going to lie; this past year was a challenging year to shine and see the silver linings.  COVID has changed so many things about the way we operate as a society since last March.  Still, there were many shining moments with family members, friends, and students.  We made the most of social distancing, wearing masks, zooms, and periodic lockdowns and saw benefits of getting to spend more time at home reading, cooking, crafting, and bonding, and less time in hustling from school to soccer practice to the grocery store to meeting after meeting, and to all of the other myriad places we always felt we needed to be from minute to minute. Instead of constantly being on the move, we were able to be still and shine in the quiet moments. 

It wasn't until tonight that I decided on my word for the upcoming year.  I went to the Fresno Fairgrounds for their last weekend of Holiday Lights.  During most years, the fairgrounds would be hosting the annual Hmong New Year celebration during this week.  However, as COVID numbers continue to rise, getting together in big groups still poses a great risk of spreading the disease, so like so many other cherished events, it was canceled. Like many other businesses and event organizers,  the fair board worked hard to adapt to our current condition.  I've seen this again and again over the past several months--restaurants that created new opportunities for take-out and delivery services to stay afloat, gyms that created online content to support both physical and mental health, businesses that shifted to provide products that were suddenly in high demand such as hand sanitizer and face masks, and of course, schools that pivoted overnight to support continued education when bringing all the kids into the buildings together simply wasn't feasible.  The fair adapted its space this year to provide the community with holiday joy and happiness (and presumably, to help generate revenue) by sponsoring the Holiday Fantasy of  Lights Show.  It was a no-contact, drive through spectacular.  The grounds were transformed into beautiful displays that showed charm and character, and were a perfect reminder that if we are creative, open-minded, and adaptable, we can meet any challenge head-on and even create a reality we might not otherwise have been able to see.

ADAPT.  What a great reminder.  In the past several months, we have adapted on the fly, out of necessity. This year, adapting will be more mindful, more proactive, and will hopefully bring even more new unexpected and unforeseen positive experiences.

Looking Forward

 January 1, 2021

A great many of us are taking a little time today to reflect on the massive shift that has happened in our world since the last New Year's Day rolled around.  No one could possibly have predicted the ways in which our reality has changed due to Covid-19.  And yet some things remain the same--the annual taking of inventory and focused mindset of looking forward is still a good way to reset and mindfully, purposefully forge into the year ahead.  I do know, more this year than any other, that I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that I can create a vision that includes the possibility for positive growth and change, and yes, flexibility.

I have told my students before that a goal without a plan is just a wish.  Many New Year's resolutions become just that--and then we spend months beating ourselves up about failing to accomplish those things we wished for.  Another reason for 'failure'?  Sometimes, the goal should change, but we become fixed on the original plan.  This is where flexibility and reflection come into play.  My main plan, then, is to spend a little time at the beginning of each week checking in with myself and preparing for the upcoming week to set my sights on the things that will help me move closer to my goals, and to reflect on whether or not the road ahead is still the desired destination.  Setting a goal at the beginning of the year to be achieved by year's end is a large, looming mountain in the distance.  Setting my sights on the next marker along the path seems like a more manageable way to keep my feet on the road ahead.

I will likely still play a little bit of a numbers game--number of pounds I'd like to lose, or numbers of books I'd like to read, or numbers of miles I'd like to walk--but that won't be my guiding force.  They'll take a little bit of a backseat to the purposeful mindset of focusing on the journey, rather than the end destination.  Being kind to myself, appreciating who and where I am in the moment, fostering my love of reading and writing and all things creative, and continuing to build and maintain connections with people who are a meaningful part of my life--these are the elements of self-care that can sometimes fall victim to day-to-day mundane tasks and mindless routine.  Making a plan to check in with myself at least once a week to reflect, express gratitude, and right my sail or shift my path when necessary--this is the way I intend to hold myself accountable and look toward a better year in the months ahead, no matter what unexpected and unforeseen twists and turns those months may hold.

Rise and Shine

January 1, 2020

Last year a friend talked about the idea of choosing a meaningful word that would serve as a mantra and an ideal to which one could aspire all year long.  I love that idea.  Last year I chose the word RISE to guide me.  Many of you know that last year didn't start off well.  I was in utter turmoil, trying to figure out all of the hows, whys, and what-ifs of a relationship in crisis.  My self-esteem, not exactly my strong suit to begin with, took a complete nose-dive while I grappled with that 'not enough' feeling that many of us struggle with.  Crisis in a relationship only highlights and amplifies those voices in our heads that so many of us try to stifle on a daily basis.

So, there I was, trying to figure out what my future was going to look like and how to let go of the promise of a life-long path we had envisioned together.  I spent a lot of time crying, and a lot more time feeling like if I acknowledged what was clearly going to end, I would be giving up.  Failing.  I was holding my breath on the far-off, remote possibility that the path would right itself, when in reality I knew it would not.  The future I had envisioned, the growing old together in laughter, love, and comfort of a soul I thought I knew so well, had dissipated.  It was a future I had trusted in, and that trust was gone.  I was clinging to a hazy myth, a story that had ended.

When I saw that one-word challenge, then, I decided I would choose a word I WANTED to be my mindset, even if I didn't feel it right then.  I wanted to rise above my current state; I wanted to rise above the very loud and insistent voices in my head that threatened--and often did in those early 2019 months--to drag me under and leave me gasping for breath.  I wanted to rise to a place where I could learn to see a different but still beautiful and positive road ahead of me.  I wanted to rise up to the challenge of putting one step in front of the other, one day at a time, knowing that if I could concentrate on moving forward, I'd be okay.  I wanted to be the Phoenix and RISE, brilliant and beautiful, regenerating a new life out of the ashes of the old.  And though it was a long process, and I didn't always feel like I was living up to my mantra, rise I did, closing out the year in a much stronger and healthier place.

I don't know if that word helped me, or just accompanied me on the road to reclaiming me, but I do know that sometimes when I was hiding in the dark spaces in my mind, I would hear a voice whisper "rise", quiet, but firm.  It's like I planted a little seed and it grew even when I forgot it was there.  Like a talisman, I'll take it on faith that it protected me and warmed me when I needed it.  So this year, I believe I'll take on another mantra to guide me into these next twelve months.  Last year I needed to rise, simply to regain my equilibrium--to not sink.  This year, however, I have decided my word is SHINE.  As I have risen to meet my new life already, the focus this year will be on making that new life one of joy and happiness.  Not just seeing a new road ahead, but embracing it fully, eager to see and experience all that lies ahead on the adventure.  Last year was about surviving; this year is about making that survival shine.

Rise

January 2, 2019

There are quite a few people I know who choose a focus word as a New Year resolution of sorts--one they can center in on as a priority in their life for the upcoming year.  I like the idea.  I've never done it before, but I'd like to think it could help direct my energy moving forward.  (I'm not going to lie; there's also a great likelihood that I'll forget it, in which case, no harm, no foul, right?)  Maybe I'll write it on my mirror to remember.  Anyway, I believe I shall claim the word "RISE" my word for 2019.  As in, "Rise above".  As in "Rise from the ashes like a phoenix".  As in, "Rise and look ahead to all the possibility before you." As in "Rise, Baby--I can't be kept down.  You wanna throw a wrench in the works and bring me to my knees?  Bring it! I'll rise higher than I ever thought I could soar, bigger and brighter and better-- a beacon in the night shining down."  That kind of rise.

RISE.

New Year, Looking Forward

January 1, 2019

The new year traditionally is marked by a pause for reflection, resolution, and recommitment to those things we feel represent growth and truth for us.  This year, more than most, I have been confronted with that reflection rather harshly.  Having seen one particular path for my future--one I was happy with and looking forward to the continued adventure --the path suddenly and violently veered off into the unknown.  To diverge from someone who is an intricate part of one's world, be it a lover, a friend, or even a family member, is a difficult, messy business.  To discover a betrayal of faith and trust requires deep soul searching in order to progress and to look forward, instead of being stuck looking back.

There is a strange sense in this aftermath of needing to look backward at the what-ifs and the whys of the situation.  The how-can-it-be-so-easy-for someone-to-do-this-to-me? kind of feeling.  The what-could-I-have-done-differently? And sometimes that answer to that is simply to be someone you're not, though that clearly can't be the right answer. But let me tell you, that's a difficult train of thought to escape.  Because after all, if one is loveable, how can someone treat them so unlovingly?  It's a trap, though, because although we all have flaws, and both people can contribute to the unraveling of what was once steadfast, in the end, we cannot and should not control each other's emotions or actions.  One person's betrayal is exactly that- that person's betrayal, and not a commentary on the loveability or unloveability of the other person.  That is their choice alone to own. I could say that they will regret it, I could even wish it.  But I don't know that to be true.  Perhaps it will lead to something even better, and if this is truly a person I love, wouldn't I wish happiness for them?  And if they regret it, do I want to 'earn' connection through regret?  No, I want connection with someone who chooses me in joy, not out of regret.  We all deserve to be chosen, to be with people who count themselves fortunate in our company.  One can be mired in the past, attempting to regain the path once traveled, but that path has been erased; it no longer exists in that form.  That does not mean that a new path can't be forged eventually, but it can't be found by looking back; only by looking forward.

So forward we go.  And in looking forward, the most important thing to remember is that if one's desire to remain connected changes, that is their reality.  And they are entitled to that reality.  It just doesn't get to define me and my reality.  I cannot be mad at them, and I can't fault them for their feelings.  However, I can't let it make me question my own worth, my own value, my own loveability.  I have said my mantra this year will be "I am enough" in response to being told that who I am isn't enough.  (And just because I was told this doesn't mean I have to wear it as a badge.)  In rethinking and reflecting, though, I have to say my mantra should be "Good enough isn't good enough".  I cannot be content to try to be "good enough" for others or myself; I need to find people who recognize my value and aren't settling for "good enough".  Certainly I am looking to better myself, as many of us do, especially at the time of year, but I deserve to surround myself with people who don't make me feel as if I need to prove that I am worthy.  And if that path leads me to new paths I never expected to travel, and if that path leads me so far away from my original path that the roads don't cross again, that will have to be good enough.  If I spend my time looking forward, instead of back, focusing on my own definition of self rather than seeing my worth through another's eyes, then perhaps my occasional glances looking back will be ones filled with fondness for a distant time that once was, rather than a path of loss and regret.

Reset/Refocus

January 3, 2018

I've spent a little time over these past couple of days reflecting on ways to reset my focus and priorities for the coming year (as many of us do to mark the new year), and I'll talk about some of those priorities here now and again.  One of the areas I really want to focus on this year is not taking on blame for other people's choices.  I am all about taking responsibility for my own choices, but sometimes as a mom, as a wife, as a teacher...well, as just about any of the roles I play, I can have a tendency to feel responsibility for other people's choices as well.  You know--if only I had.../if only I tried.../if only I said...then maybe they wouldn't have made those choices.  I end up beating myself up for other people's decisions.  At the end of the day, I suppose it's a weird sense of ego-centrism to think that one person has so much pull that they can be in charge of everyone else's decisions, right?  Mind you, I absolutely believe one person can make a difference in the lives of others, and I will continue to live my life in that vein, but I will work hard to stop blaming myself for things that are outside my control.

What To Do?

January 2, 2018

I think I've already encountered a problem with my New Year's Resolutions.  Some of them appear to be diametrically opposed.  It's almost like I'm a master of self-sabotage.  For example, one of my resolutions is to clean out an organize my cupboards (really, the whole house--the cupboards are just a start). In order to do that, obviously I need to cook the food that's in the cupboards to help clean them out.  Problem? There's stuff to make cookies up in there.  One of my other resolutions is eat better and get in better shape.  See?  Self-sabotage!  I'm diabolical like that. (Guess which resolution won out?  Ha!  They both did!  I don't have to EAT the cookies--that's what my children and husband are for!)