Under Siege

 January 6, 2021

Halfway through my last zoom class of the day today I got a text from my daughter.  "Are you seeing this??"  I texted back and asked what she was referring to, and she told me the Capitol Building was under siege.  While my students were finishing up an activity, I checked a few online sources to see what she was talking about.  Mayhem, chaos, fear, and rage.  It was such a surreal culmination of the past four years that it was hard to process.  On the one hand, it was unfathomable that this could happen; on the other hand, everything about this administration has been fanning the flames of dissent since the very beginning, ramping up to a frenzy ever since the election in November.  There are almost no words to describe the horror of seeing the physical embodiment of the attack on democracy.  All I could think as I was following the news was...

--Why were the terrorists asked to leave, rather than being arrested?  They broke in, forcefully, WITH GUNS, to threaten sitting members of Congress and the VICE PRESIDENT.

--If the majority of the terrorists were people of color, there would have been mass bloodshed. We cannot possibly watch what happened today and not realize that huge numbers of our fellow countrymen are thinking, "If the tables were turned and I was there protesting, I'd be dead."  And they'd be right.  What does that say about what we've accepted about how we treat marginalized groups in this country?

--The President TOLD them to go march on the Capitol, and told them he would be marching with them.  He then ducked out and watched the riot take shape from a safe distance.  His incendiary words lit the fuse, and he ran away to let his adherents run with the bomb.

--In his 'plea' for the protestors to go home, he reminded them again that he believed they had every reason to be angry, and that he appreciated their loyalty, and that they were 'special'.  How do we reconcile the fact that the President seemed proud of the violent attack on the government of the country which he is entrusted to protect and serve?

--Responses online ranged from absolute support-- "What did they expect us to do?  Maybe they'll listen to us now" to more perpetuated conspiracy theories "It's liberals who dressed up like Trump supporters to make us look bad!"--sometimes from the same person.  How do people hold these opposing ideas simultaneously?  Doublethink, anyone? 

--Where was the turning point?  The line of demarcation that moved us into this dystopian present? (Did anyone else think about the coup in The Handmaid's Tale?)  Is there any coming back from this?  Where do we go from here?  How do we heal? How do we even begin to fathom a time where some semblance of unity is possible?

--There were many people today saying, "This is not who we are."  Yes.  Yes it is.  And we have been for a long time.  We just don't want people to think that's who we are.

--Tomorrow I teach.  What do I tell my kids?  We can't possibly pretend today didn't happen.  It would be ludicrous and irresponsible--and impossible.  But really...what do we SAY?

So, I thought there were no words to describe my response.  Turns out, there are lots of words.  None of them, unfortunately, are answers.