Bree is Coming Back to the West Coast

March 29, 2022 Brianna decided a couple of months ago that the East Coast life is not for her. As her mama, I am not at all sad that she'll be moving back to this side of the country, but more importantly, I am very happy that she is making a career decision that is going to serve her skills and desires. It is just as important to be reflective enough to recognize what you don't want to do as it is to understand what you do want to do. She came to the decision that continuing to pursue studying law would not be fulfilling for her in the long run, and she has chosen to move forward in her previous career path. I am so glad she chose to make that change now, rather than continuing to try to make something fit just because she started down that path, and then finding 20 years later that she regretted that life. Changing your path, or quitting something because you realize it's not for you is not a failure, but rather a sign of reflection and maturity, and I am so proud of her for her choice. Next week she'll be heading back to Fresno for a week or so, then she'll be headed up to Seattle to reunite with her former roommate and bestie, Kaci. They'll be sharing an apartment again and working at the same place (albeit different departments). I am thrilled that Seattle Children's Hospital will be her new home as she begins her new journey as an Executive Coordinator in the Office of the CEO. Hooray for new adventures (and a much closer flight to Mom!)

Well, I Didn't See THAT Coming...

March 28, 2022 Like a lot of people I know, I love to watch the Oscars every year. I love the glamour of all the dresses and unique suits, the love letter to the art of film and the craft of story-telling, and the speeches that never fail to make me cry. The past couple of Covid years gave rise to unprecedented changes to the ceremony, like it did to nearly everything else. This year, I was looking forward to a return to a more normal Oscars. Initially, it felt like it was going to be just that. There were some beautiful moments, there were some humorous moments. There was the celebration of movies that made me want to plan a movie marathon in the near future. And then... Chris Rock came up to present, and he did his brand of humorous banter. Topical, a little edgy but relatively tame, appropriate for the audience and moment. And then he turned his eye and wit to Jada Pinkett Smith. His flippant joke referenced Jada's medical condition, alopecia, about which she has recently spoken publicly. She has struggled with hair loss and has made peace with it, it seems, and showed up looking positively regal and beautiful at the awards show. Chris rock saw her sitting near the front of the stage, and took his shot. Will Smith appeared to laugh at the joke at first, but Jada did not, and immediately after his initial reaction, Will Smith quickly and boldly strode on stage and slapped Rock across the face, hard. On live, national television. It was so surreal that at first it seemed it had to be staged. Rock's reaction, as he carried on after Smith stormed off stage, was professional but he was clearly stunned and rattled. Smith continued to rail and rage from his seat before the show continued on as before. Smith would later accept his Oscar with a tearful apology to the Academy, to his family, and to the other nominees, among others. Chris Rock was not among those who would receive an apology on the stage (though it would come a day later). There's a lot to unpack here. First of all, although comedy does push boundaries, it is a particular brand of meanspiritedness that seeks to find laughter at the expense of those with medical conditions or issues about which they have no control. Chris Rock says his joke was in reference only to a movie, rather than her condition, but her condition is the thing that made Rock reference that particular movie (G.I. Jane). I don't buy it. You want to make fun of people's choices? Sure. But a difficult medical condition? Not okay. And honestly, even though Pinkett Smith had made a post about her acceptance of her new look on Instagram, that doesn't make it public fodder for someone's amusement. Her call, not anyone else's. That being said, Smith was absolutely out of line. I like Will Smith. I always have. His every-boy charm is one of the things that make him so relateable and charming for so many people. So this side of Smith was so out of the norm that his behavior was shocking. It would have been shocking from anyone, of course, in that arena of general goodwill and decorum, but especially so for Smith. Everyone in the room collectively gasped. Even when he won his Oscar twenty minutes or so later, and he issued his tearful apology, it lacked what it really needed to garner a true acceptance--accountability. He apologized, was shamefaced at his behavior, but said he was doing it to protect his wife, his family. He chose to excuse his behavior by justifying it, couching in terms of loving his family. He wanted to be a beacon of love, a model of standing up and protecting those who need it. But no, Will Smith, one does not become a model, a beacon of love by assaulting someone. That does not a beacon of light make. That does not justify the actions. To be a true model is to act and speak in love, which is much harder to do with those with whom you disagree. I do not mean to imply he should have sat impassively by while he felt his wife was being attacked, but there were many other ways to handle it. To address Rock man-to-man after the event, or back stage, and for him to demand a public apology from Rock at the event would be one way to handle it. To have made his point deliberately, openly in his acceptance speech and to denounce that kind of mean-spirited 'comedy'. I know he didn't know if he was going to win, but it certainly would be a possiblity. He could have made some public commentary (as he did subsequently) through his social media, which would of course have a wide and far-reaching audience. His behavior was inexcusable. Lastly, I am appalled that Smith was allowed to remain in the audience after the assault. He should have been escorted out. I can think of very few others in that room who would have been given the same sort of grace in that moment. I am guessing many people thought it would be too awkward to figure out on the fly how to address his potential win if he had only minutes before been removed for his behavior, but that is not reason enough to look the other way at a physical attack. If they were worried about lack of decorum and awkward recovery, Will Smith had already crossed that bridge. He was allowed to save face because it was too uncomfortable to have to address it outloud, and that is no reason to close one's eyes to an assault. In the aftermath, both Smith and Rock have come out, most assuredly with the help of their publicists, to make public apologies, as they should. Calmer heads are prevailing, and they are each owning their poor behavior and choices. Certainly some of the apology is an attempt to regain their status as affable, loveable entertainers, rather than pure, true contrition, but it's a start. They both played their role in sullying what might otherwise have been a beautiful and momentous night, and they will both have much work to do, publicly and personally, to regain what they lost on Sunday night.

Play Ball!

March 27, 2022 

Last week I was out of town for Rafe's first baseball game of the season, but this week I was able to go watch. I don't love watching baseball on T.V., but live and in person, I can definitely get behind. (It doesn't hurt that he looks cute in his uniform!) We were out at the Roosevelt field, which unfortunately has no bathrooms and no shade. I'm going to have to keep that in mind for the next time we go out to that field. It is a lot of fun to watch him play, as well as to listen to their banter during the game. It will be even more fun as I start to get to know who all the players are. One of his teammates has a wife who comes to the games, so we hang out and chat during the game, which is great. The only down side to Sunday's game was that although there was a bit of a lovely breeze, the sun was shining brightly which means that by the end of the three hour game, I had developed quite a sunburn on my shoulders. I'm going to have to remember to bring sunscreen to future games; it's not going to get any cooler out there as we move into summer.

Fresno Foam Glow Run

March 26, 2022 

Danielle pointed out to me that it's been since she was in high school the last time she and I did a Color Run together. (She has since graduated from college.) I didn't realize it had been that long! I think in the past we have done 4 Color Runs, and they have always been a lot fun--vibrant, loud, energetic, and of course, colorful. I also like that the runs (I should put 'runs' in quotation marks, since I do not run the full 5k--there is very definitely a lot of walking involved, too) give back to the community here in Fresno. The ones we have done in the past have benefitted Valley Children's Hospital, which I am all in for. So when I saw an email not long ago about an upcoming Foam Glow run, I asked Danielle if she would be back in Fresno during that time and if she'd like to do it with me. She was game, so I got us registered. Well, let me tell you, this event was definitley NOT run by the same folks who organize a good Color Run. It was out at the fairgrounds on the horse track at night. This was because, presumably, there would be glow-in-the-dark foam throughout the course. Nope. Turns out, when we go to a color run, they provide the color that they shower down on us as intervals as part of the fun. Here, they had five stations set up around the (very poorly marked, and mostly not paved) 5k path. The stations had two towers each of suds that rained down in soapy streams of pretty standard white foam that slid right off the body--no staying power. Also, it was not in the least glowy. There was nothing that glowed in the dark except for the glow sticks of the people who had purchased them on their own to bring to the event. (There was nothing indicating that we should do this on the website or in the registration. I assumed there would be something about the Foam Glow event that did, in fact glow. I didn't know I had to provide it myself!) Each of those tower stations had tiny speakers that meekly played a slightly thumping beat that faded out of earshot about 20 paces past the towers. No water stations along the way, and no humans helping to direct the zig-zagging path. The huge dance party at the finish line? It was nowhere to be found. The organizers and the DJ's hyping the event and making sure things were fun and ran smoothly? I saw literally one dude at the starting line, portioning off the runners so we didn't trample each other out the gate, like a herd of wild horses on the track. That was it. That being said, Danielle and I have a habit of snark and sass, and this provided a perfect opportunity for us to provide running commentary that at the very least amused us. As Danielle said, we make our own fun wherever we go, and this was no exception. Recently I said that sass was the love language between the two of us, and it was definitely in full force at the Foam Glow run. Not much foam, almost zero glow, but lots of good bonding time between my kiddo and me. No regrets.

Oscar Contender: Movie Night

March 25, 2022 In my quest to see as many Oscar nominated films as possible before the Academy Awards (at which I will fail miserably this year), I wanted to have a movie night tonight. I have only seen West Side Story so far, and we were limited to what was available for streaming. That left us with Don't Look Up as our option tonight. I invited Rafe over to join Danielle and me for dinner, and then we watched the show. Honestly, JenniferLawrence, Leondardo DiCaprio, Meryl Streep, and Jonah Hill were all very good in this film, as one would expect them to be. It was a pretty strong social satire, albeit quirky and odd. I enjoyed it, as did Danielle and Rafe, but I also suspect it was too non-traditional to take away Oscar gold on Sunday night.

My Boy Visits

March 24, 2022

In addition to getting to see both of my girls this week, Nicholas also came home on his days off. That's a trifecta!

Hanging With Danielle

March 23, 2022 Danielle's spring break is this week, so she's off from teaching and decided to come home and spend the week with me. Sadly, it is not my spring break, so I don't get quite as much time as I would like with her. Wednesdays are my long days, since I teach at night in addition to my day job, but I still told her if she didn't mind eating late I would make us dinner and we could hang out after class. I set something up in the crockpot so that I could spend less time in the kitchen, and so that a lot of it would be ready by the time I got home from class. We dished it up and curled up in front of the t.v. to watch the live-action version of Aladdin, with Will Smith, and then we watched tik toks together. I feel bad for her because she's been a little sick on this vacation, but even getting to spend quiet relaxing time together was really nice.

Girls' Night

March 22, 2022

Girls' Night

Tonight we were supposed to have dance class, but we have been trying to schedule a Girls' Night Out for a long time now, and our night schedules are making it nearly impossible! I teach on Mondays and Wednesdays, and Francie teaches on Mondays and Thursdays. I've been a traveling fool on the weekends, and Tuesday night is our dance class night. Mo graciously offered up that we could skip dance this week and just go have a cocktail together. (Ha ha--Mo was not sad about missing class. She's a trooper, but it might not be her favorite thing I've ever dragged her to.) Anyway, we needed to catch up and give updates on what's happening in our lives, which is a lot right now, apparently. You just can do that in counts of eight on the dance floor!

Cherry Blossoms Around the Neighborhood

March 21, 2022 

Cherry blossoms around the neighborhood

Before heading out on the plane, we took Leslie out on a walk in the neighborhood to check out the cherry blossoms that D.C. is famous for this time of year. Flowers were everywhere!

Riverdance at the Kennedy Center

March 20, 2022

Riverdance at the Kennedy Center

For sure, one of the highlights of the trip was getting to see Riverdance at the Kennedy Center. Historic venue, mesmerizing performance. What an amazing night to share with Bree!

Smithsonian Museums

March 19, 2022 

Smithsonian Museums

Because of the time change in getting to D.C., both Bree and I slept in and got up in a very leisurely fashion on Saturday morning. We walked to a neighborhood grill to have lunch, and then headed off to see some of the Smithsonian Museums. On the list was the Hope Diamond and Dorothy's ruby slippers, as well as the display of the First Ladies' inaugural gowns and the National Portrait Gallery. It was an incredibly beautiful day, so walking among the museums was lovely as well. Of course, we didn't get to see all of the museums we would like to have seen, but I'm so glad I got to see the exhibits we saw.

Traveling to Washington, D.C.

March 18, 2022 

I have been looking forward to this weekend for a long time. Bree has decided she is going to move back to the west coast in another month or so (which I am very excited about), but for now she is still in Washington, D.C. I wanted to take the opportunity to fly out one more time to visit her while she's still on the east coast, and to do a few touristy things. Without her living there, I might not have the same motivation to head out that way any time soon. So I took two personal days off--Friday and Monday being primarily travel days--and am spending some quality time with her. Pictured above: my granddog Leslie, who is also very happy I'm visiting.

Lucky Day for Volleyball

March 17, 2022 

For St. Patrick's Day this year, our boys' volleyball team held their senior night. I have five of the varsity seniors in my classes, so a few of them had asked me if I was going to go to cheer them on. It was really a lot of fun to see my kids doing something they love, something they really excel at. Rafe was even willing to join me, even though he didn't know another soul there. It was my first chance to introduce him to some of my favorite colleagues, which was pretty cool. Even better, the boys won their match in three games. A successful night altogether!

Me in the Hot Seat

March 16, 2022 At the beginning of my classes, I usually ask the students a little question that each one has to answer. It's a little way of building community, connecting with each other, and easing into class for the day. Some of the questions I've asked are, "What's up next on your to-read or to-watch list?" "Would you rather take a vacation to the beach or the mountains?" and "What's a unique talent or skill you possess?" Today in one of my classes, I told the kids that they could each ask ME a question. They came up with some pretty good ones: my favorite color or number, whether or not I dye my hair, what kind of car I drive, what I am most proud of besides my kids, my favorite sport to watch, and so on. It was really kind of fun!

Dance Dance

March 15, 2022 Tonight Kelly joined Mo and me for our dance classes, which made for much mirth and merriment. We aren't great dancers, but we do know how to laugh, so it all evens out! I am so thankful to have this group of friends that has been going strong for better than 20 years. I think we need to have another reunion of all of the Old School Girls this summer. There is never a dull moment when we all get together.

The End of the Mask Mandate

March 14, 2022 The state mask mandate was lifted for school settings as of last Friday night at midnight, and to be honest, I debated all day on Sunday whether or not I would continue to wear mine in my classes. It is still highly recommended, and in fact I am still required to wear one in class for my community college classes. Like everyone else, I am tired of wearing masks all the time, but I also believe they have done a lot of good in mitigating the spread of the virus over the course of this pandemic. On the other hand, the variants seem to have minimized devastating results in Covid patients for those who are vaccinated, which I am, so I feel pretty safe on the whole without one these days. Ultimately, I know that many of my students will rejoice in being able to take off their masks as will many of my colleagues. However, a significant number of my students will continue to wear masks either because they have medical conditions that make them more vulnerable, or someone in their family does, or they have a family member in the medical field, or they might just be more cautious. Regardless, I have decided that at least for now I will continue to wear a mask in my classroom even though I feel safe without it in order to support my kids who have chosen for various reasons to continue wearing theirs. I want to support them and keep it normalized to wear one if that is what makes them more comfortable.

Baseball Sunday

March 13, 2022

To cap off a fun weekend, I went out to watch Rafe play his first baseball scrimmage of the season. He's been playing ball with his friends in a league for several years, so they all have a great time playing together--lots of trash talk and joking around. I can tell it's a fun-loving group. I enjoy baseball, and the weather was absolutely beautiful, so it was a great way to spend the morning. It was kind of cool to be one of the girlfriends in the bleachers, to be honest. The only thing I didn't like was it was Daylight Saving Time, so we lost an hour of sleep between Saturday and Sunday night--that never makes me happy. Nevertheless, going out to the game and then having dinner later in the evening was a wonderful way to finish the weekend. I definitely wish there was more weekend in our weeks.

Meeting Someone New, Part Two

March 12, 2022

Last night I got to meet Rafe's parents, and tonight he got to meet my best friend and her husband. Turn about's fair play! Rafe and I actually spent the afternoon looking at Oscar Nominated Short Films to watch on Youtube--unfortunately there aren't many there yet, but we did catch a few. (Obviously, I am looking forward to the upcoming Oscars. I missed the traditions of the Academy Awards during the Covid years!) Afterward, we met up with Mo and Scott and a group of friends at Sequoia Brewing to listen to Night Heat play. It was great to have Rafe and Mo meet, and match faces with names. Nicholas has also already met him, so I am looking forward to my girls and Lisa getting the chance to meet him as well.

Meeting Someone New

March 11, 2022 Meeting someone new is exciting and interesting, getting to learn all the intricasies, idiosyncrasies, and nuances of someone new and important in your life. What works? What doesn't? What's important to them, and what drives them. How do they prioritize their time? What are the things and people they value? It's all an adventure, and usually a pretty wonderful one. Part of that exploration involves meeting people who are important in their life and introducing them to the people who matter to you. That part can be pretty daunting, actually, because what if they don't like you? What if you don't fit into their friend group, or their family finds you not good enough? Tonight I got to meet the parents. They invited us to join them for dinner, and although I was excited to meet them, I was also a little nervous, of course. His parents were super sweet and welcoming, and I think the conversation flowed smoothly and easily. Hopefully they thought so too! I was actually a really nice evening--a bit of a milestone, I guess. One of my girlfriends asked me when was the last time I had met the parents of a man I was interested in. Oh my goodness--Bill's parents were the last parents I met, which was about a year before we got married when I was still only 19. (For those keeping track, I am now 54. Meeting the parents for the first time was a LONG time ago!)

Top Chef Is Back

March 10, 2022 I have been a Top Chef loyalist from the beginning, so of course I was excited to see that the new season had started up. Watching that show inspired me to try some dishes that I had never had before, such as ceviche (an oft-made dish on the show) and gnocchi, among others. It also gives me new ideas about ways in which I can combine ingredients in my own cooking. It's fun to root for the chefs and get to know their personalities as well. I love that they have former contestants come back as guest judges or hosts as well. Rafe was a good sport and watched the first episode with me after I cooked us dinner, and I'm hoping I can rope him into making it a regular date night. :)

Let It Go

March 9, 2022 Sometimes you don't realize how much you have been unconsciously holding on to something until you open your hand to reach out for something else. It can be pretty freeing to let something go that doesn't belong to you.

Dancing My Way Into Tuesday

March 8, 2022 Tonight I started a new 8 week dance class. Actually, it's two different dance classes. At the behest of my good friends who all thought line dancing would be fun, I decided to sign up for that one with them. It is a testament to how much I love my friends that I am willing to subject myself to country music on purpose in order to dance with them. (Truth be told, the class actually ended up being fun.) The second class bills itself as a class that teaches swing, jazz, lindy, charleston, etc. In reality, it's just a bunch of short, repeating steps to fun music that borrows from a lot of different styles. It will be a fun class, but I don't actually think I can honestly say I have learned any specific styles from that class. That's okay, though. I still think it will be fun.

Monday, Monday

March 7, 2022 Today was one of my long days, with meetings sandwiched between my day job and my night gig. Add to that before and after school duty (my very least favorite part of my job), and office hours at the end of the day, and my Monday is kind of a non-stop frenzy this week. Weirdly, though, I got to the end of my day still feeling wide awake, energetic, and in a great mood. I loved my interactions with the kids today even more than usual--I love when they make me laugh--and I feel like everything was just productive and positive today. What a happy way to begin the week!

Things are Going Well

March 6, 2022 I said goodbye to the ocean for now after taking my camera out to the beach on my way out of town. Even though I am always sad to leave the coast, I was excited to get back home to spend some time with Rafe. I cooked us some dinner and we enjoyed a quite evening together. Things are going very well, and I am feeling more and more excited to spend time with him every time we get together.

Morro Bay Visit With Nicholas

March 5, 2022 

 

A big reason for my trip this weekend was to visit with Nicholas. Obviously I wanted to see him, but I also purchased a microwave that I wanted to bring him. His apartment doesn't have one, and I thought it might help him to eat at home more often if he and his roommate had a microwave to help them out in the kitchen. Nicholas worked in the morning on Saturday, so I had a leisurely stroll through Cambria before heading his way to Morro Bay. Once there, he and I tried to visit some thrift shops to try to find him a dining room table, but we were unsuccessful. Most of the shops we tried to visit were already closed for the day. After that we went to the grocery store and restocked his kitchen a little, before heading back to his apartment. Once Treasa, his roommate, got back home from her shift at work, I treated them both to dinner. Nicholas suggested a little Poke place near his apartment, which ended up having very tasty food. The three of us had a lovely visit before ending the evening. I love that he lives to close and that it's so easy to head to the coast for a visit!

A Solo Trip to San Simeon

March 4, 2022

I booked a campsite at the San Simeon State Campground for this weekend, and set out on my first solo van-camping endeavor. The van that Danielle and I invested in is well set up for a solo or duo camping trip--quite roomy and comfortable for one, in fact. Lisa and I have used the van for an overnight trip before, and not long ago Danielle and I did, but this was my first time on my own. There were plenty of people around me who were properly tent-camping at the site, but my goodness I would have frozen my tail off if I had done that. Even cozied up with two sleeping bags and a giant sweater-blanket, shut inside my turned down bed in my van, I was a little chilly. That being said, it is lovely being able to gaze out the window and see all the crystal-clear, beautiful stars, and to hear the crashing of the surf just a little ways off in the distance. Not a bad way to fall asleep.

A Little Restored Faith

March 3, 2022 Last week I wrote about how disheartened I was when I had students choose to disregard my request that they wear masks in my class, at least until the mandate was lifted. Today in class my students were working on drafting a research paper, and kids could get my individual attention if there were questions or confusions as they worked. I noticed one of my students who had chosen last week not to wear a mask, looking around the room. I didn't have a chance to ask him what he needed before his eyes landed on what he was looking for--the extra stack of masks in my classroom. He walked over to the table where I keep them, and he donned his before approaching my desk to ask his question about citations for his paper. It definitely restored my faith a little that he was thoughtful enough to put one on before approaching me, even if he doesn't wear one while sitting at his desk. I know he was listening when I made my request last week.

A Little Reflection

March 2, 2022 I am always amazed at the differences between the ways we perceive ourselves and the way others perceive us. I grew up terrifically shy--terrified to talk to new people and wildly uncomfortable with small talk. I thought it wasn't possible that someone might be interested in what I had to say. I'm not sure why; in isolation, when I contemplate who I am I think I'm a relatively funny person who has good insights and who is at least moderately intelligent and informed. But when put in a room with other people who don't know me, I suddenly doubt all of that and think everyone else in the room has far more to say and to think than I do. I still see myself as that shy kid in some ways. That's one of the primary ways I describe myself. And yet, almost everyone I know laughs when I say this. Yes, I am much more social and confident in a lot of settings, but I do default to those feelings when I am in a new situation. But it appears my outward appearance doesn't match how I feel inside. People don't perceive me to be introverted at all. (In fact, I have discovered later in life that I am really more of an ambivert--a term I had no idea existed when I was younger, but which really does seem an apt description of who I am now.) I wonder if there are other characteristics I identify with that people perceive much differently in me.

Just Be

 March 1, 2022

My weeks have been filled lately with movement and activity:  classes and meetings and trips and events.  None of it was bad, but it's all been just...a lot.  This past weekend, even though there was definitely an agenda and things to do, I allowed myself to settle down and spend some time just being.  It's hard to do sometimes, because I always have a running list of things that need to be done, but I worked consciously to allow those to-dos to shuffle themselves to the back of my mind and enjoy the company I was keeping. It's important to remember to do that sometimes.