I Hope/I Fear

 January 5, 2022

Today in class we took time to connect and reset our focus for the year.  As part of our reconnecting, we make concrete goals for the semester, whether those be personal, physical, academic, spiritual, or relational.  I teach them some tools for making those goals attainable, and we talk about giving ourselves grace when we don't reach a goal.

In talking about giving ourselves grace, I also talk about turning that grace to others.  We do a little exercise in empathy and reminding ourselves that we are not alone in our stresses, and that everyone is walking around with a lot of stuff running around in our minds behind the scenes that we might not ever guess.  I ask them to anonymously complete two sentences:  I Hope.... and I Worry About/I Worry That..., and then I read them out loud.  Here are some of the things my kids wrote today:

I Hope...

I will choose the right college for me.

my grandmother will get better.

I make my parents proud.

my sister's business will be a success.

I find someone who loves me.

my anxiety won't stand in the way of me finding happiness.

I will stay in touch with my friends when we all move away to college.

I Worry...

that people don't really like me and they are just tolerating me.

that I will disappoint my parents.

that my grandmother won't make it to my graduation.

that Covid won't go away anytime soon.

that I will make the wrong career decision and will be unhappy in life.

that my father's choices around smoking and drinking will take him from us too soon.

that I won't find someone who loves me.

that the transition to college will be too hard for me.

that I won't be able to handle the financial burden of college.

These are just a handful of them, but many of them echoed similar sentiments.  I always have students write a reflection after they hear these, and nearly every student, every year, says they had no idea how many of their classmates were dealing with the same anxieties that they do.  It's comforting to recognize that they aren't alone.  It's comforting to remember that we are all human, and everyone has a lot going on behind the scenes that we may never have the privilege of knowing. We don't have to know exactly what a person's worries or fears are to extend grace and empathy; we just have to remember that those things are there, unspoken and unseen. If we operate as if everyone has those unseen struggles, we are able to much more easily give people the benefit of the doubt.  We are able to connect better as humans.   I think it is always a good thing to remind ourselves of this.